CH.3: WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN HOLLYWOOD—AND WHY YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ME (a complete unknown series)

the doom over dune

CHAPTER 3: THE DOOM OVER DUNE

I started to get whispers of that gut instinct that it was time for me to leave. a desire within me grew to start my own interview show similar to Hot Ones (more on this in the final chapter), and to thrive in a space where I could ask what ever I wanted to who I was interviewing.

my instinct grew the loudest this time last year as I prepped to interview the cast of Dune Part II. Timothee Chalamet, Zendaya, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin, Florence Pugh and Austin Butler. the biggest a+ list cast i’d ever sit down with up until that point. at the start of any interview I would take the first 30 seconds to a minute to setup the conversation (and make it accessible). Dune Part II in my eyes required a lot of context. most people haven’t read Frank Herbet’s beloved sci-fi novel - that inspired half the sci-fi genre btw - including star wars! - and a lot of people had maybe forgotten the first film or hadn’t seen it. if there was ever an interview that needed some quick context at the top, it was this one. while I was crafting the interview, I felt like I was told not to do an intro for the first time ever by my company, on which I pushed back on. and then I was told if I did do it, it needed to be 30 seconds or less. I spent a lot of time writing one and practicing getting it to 30 seconds (I would have so much rather spent that time prepping for the actual Qs). I wanted to be a team player. I understood that time shouldn’t be wasted, but intro’s are what I need in order to set the tone of the room. I don’t like to make the interview about me so I use at least the first minute to connect with everyone i’m about to talk to. I need it in order to perform my magic. I just do.

I, as mentioned, hired my own assistant to help me on big interview days. my assistant helps me prep, makes sure I look good in the monitor since i’m not allowed to bring a glam team with me, gets me water, shoots behind the scenes (since I can’t really post interview questions), and is an extra set of hands on a day where I just want to be in my brain. the movie studio - who loved working with me - of course allowed my own personal assistant to join me so that I can pull of what I needed to. the day before the Dune interview, my own company - that I had poured my life into - told me I wasn’t allowed to bring my assistant with me anymore (after she had already been cleared by security to join).

so just so we’re on the same page - I got requested by the movie studio to do the interview, I was told by my company to not do an intro at first, which I felt I needed, and that I was no longer allowed to bring my assistant. the whole energy in pre-pro behind that interview made me not want to do it anymore. I felt like I was getting stripped of everything I needed to do a good job for THEM. none of it made sense to me. I cried so much the day before the Dune interview. I felt so discouraged, so dishonored, and so disrespected.

I picked myself up off the floor and knew I didn’t need anything to do great and I did the interview. after my intro + first question, timothee chalamet complimented my intro and at that moment I knew that my instincts never led me astray. I have never watched this interview back because the greatest pain i’ve ever felt as an artist was this experience. I also wasn’t allowed to post any clips from it. I submitted some clips for approval to post them on my own channels and none got approved. I did take the time to read a couple of the comments though:

if only those people knew how agonizing the whole experience was for me. it had become increasingly perplexing to me that I was being requested by studios, I was helping the company gain views on youtube, I was highly resonating with audiences which equaled high engagement, I felt like I was a dream employee, and yet every day felt like there was a new rule against what I was allowed to do, have, or post. I felt like everything had been stripped from me: trust in my abilities, my assistant, my ability to share my work. it was all so heartbreaking.

stay tuned for chapter 4’s post + podcast which will publish tuesday, february 18th at 9:30am et / 6:30am pt

did you miss chapter 2? read it here.

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