CH.4: A COMPLETE UNKNOWN: WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN HOLLYWOOD—AND WHY YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ME
I didn't follow my gut
CHAPTER 4: I DIDN’T FOLLOW MY GUT.
it was time to go. except I didn’t listen to my intuition remember.
everyone around me kept telling me the industry’s dying and that I was a lunatic to leave a job where I was getting paid and had the type of access that I had. so I sorta changed my mind and stayed. a funny thing happens though when you don’t follow your gut or honor what your soul wants, the universe forces you out of that timeline. I interviewed Will Smith, dance in the darkness…and 2 weeks later I came home to a letter in the mail on my doorstep from Fedex. It was from someone in HR who I had never heard of before, saying they weren’t renewing my contract in August. (I of course read the letter in the voice of Roz in Monster’s inc for dramatic effect). I was shocked because it was so illogical, and yet I was at peace knowing that the universe had intercepted and redirected me to the timeline I’m supposed to be on. the dark night of the soul began the first week of June of last year. I was shocked and heartbroken that after 6 years of working there, nobody from the company called me after I got the letter. not even my mentor or my producer whom I loved working with so much. I called someone on my team and they had informed me that everyone on the production team knew which made the fact that no one ever called me even worse. not one person that I had worked with for 6 years. not even my direct supervisor. I had to reach out to their boss just to get confirmation after I got the letter. to this day, i’ve only spoken with 2-3 people that worked there since. I got a couple email responses to my goodbye email, and one kind email from the producer I loved, but what was most painful about that era ending wasn’t even the fact that I got let go, but the fact that no one called me after I helped build their brand for 6 years. it felt like mushu from Mulan was pointing at my face screaming “dishonor! dishonor on you! dishonor on your cow!” I just felt so much dishonor.
I lied and told most people in the industry that I left that company, embarrassed that I hadn’t made the decision on my own physically. I figured I was going to ask for more $ anyway when my contract was up and chances were slim they were going to give it to me…so it was very probable I was going to be gone come August anyway. I was told allegedly that I was the highest paid host there…I’ll never know the actual reason my contract didn’t get renewed and it doesn’t really matter to me.
stay tuned for chapter 5’s post + podcast which will publish thursday, february 20th at 9:30am et / 6:30am pt
did you miss chapter 3? read it here. you can also listen to chapter 3 here.
Thank you for being SO vulnerable and transparent, Naz. My heart is with you hearing about this dark season. Ugh. Even when you KNOW the intervention is for the best, when you would have eventually made the decision; it's SUCH a seismic shift. Another kind of heartbreak.
Honestly, a mindf*ck.
For me, it's felt like I poured all of my creativity, positivity, energy, and talents (pretty much one's ESSENCE) to be told "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." How can people drain other's positive energy like that? Spend years if not decades ...then go into zero contact??? I DON'T GET THAT.
Self-compassion and growth, friend! Yes, trust your gut AND trust everything to shake out and redirect to the sacred timeline. 💚😆
Not sure where the story is going to continue and land, but we're with you Naz. Sending you SO much support, love, and strength.
I KNOW if anyone will blaze a trail through this it's you. You have everything you need.
I believe in you wholeheartedly. A completely bogus mistake by this company - it’s obvious they do not know what they are doing. Your colleagues revealed themselves to be cowardly. Your gut always knows!!!!